Morning Reflections
I'm sitting here at my dining room table, looking out over my back yard. I can see all of the work that still needs to be done around here. The problem though is finding the energy to get it all done. Every day is a battle to fight the depression, and force myself to get out of bed. As a Landscape Photographer, I should at least be able to enjoy the beauty of the leaves changing colors on the trees. And yet even that joy eludes me.
The house is too quiet without my children here. And that silence and emptiness only fuels the depression even more. There is still so much that can and needs to be done around here. And I can see it all as I look around me. Yet here I continue to sit, not making one move to get it done. The only time I feel alive is when I'm with my children. The rest of the time there is this deep, empty void in my chest.
I am a mom, and a fighter. I will NOT allow this to beat me. When it has dried out a bit outside, I will go out to finish cleaning off my back deck. Then I will attempt to tackle the rest of the yard. I have so many tree branches laying around the yard that need to be picked up and burnt. And then lets not even forget about the flower beds that need to be taken care of before winter sets in as well. And then lets also not forget the fact that my children have lost so much weight these past eight months that I need to go through their clothes, and pull out their pants that no longer fit them. And the hallway still needs to be painted.
So as you can see, I have so much that still needs to be done, and can't find the energy to get it done. Even my Book of Shadows has seemed to have taken a back burner. Yes, I am Wiccan. I felt I needed to have this fact established, as so often people will say that I need to pray to "God" for help to get through it all. But this is a discussion for another day.
The house is too quiet without my children here. And that silence and emptiness only fuels the depression even more. There is still so much that can and needs to be done around here. And I can see it all as I look around me. Yet here I continue to sit, not making one move to get it done. The only time I feel alive is when I'm with my children. The rest of the time there is this deep, empty void in my chest.
I am a mom, and a fighter. I will NOT allow this to beat me. When it has dried out a bit outside, I will go out to finish cleaning off my back deck. Then I will attempt to tackle the rest of the yard. I have so many tree branches laying around the yard that need to be picked up and burnt. And then lets not even forget about the flower beds that need to be taken care of before winter sets in as well. And then lets also not forget the fact that my children have lost so much weight these past eight months that I need to go through their clothes, and pull out their pants that no longer fit them. And the hallway still needs to be painted.
So as you can see, I have so much that still needs to be done, and can't find the energy to get it done. Even my Book of Shadows has seemed to have taken a back burner. Yes, I am Wiccan. I felt I needed to have this fact established, as so often people will say that I need to pray to "God" for help to get through it all. But this is a discussion for another day.
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